Confessions

Every once in a while I feel the need to confess something that is completely humiliating. So, here goes.

One cold Thanksgiving day during my mission, my companion and I were spending time at a member's home. They were a bit older, no kids at home, so the conversation lagged a bit. I turned to my companion and told him that if he would put the dog's shock collar on his leg and walk across the invisible barrier, I would too. He was a wuss and said that I had to go first. I strapped the collar to my leg and strode cautiously into the yard. I heard the collar beep a warning, and then was actually quite surprised at the shock that followed. I walked back to the house and rubbed my leg for the next five minutes until feeling returned. In the mean time, Elder Putt put the collar on his leg and ran out into the yard. I'm not real sure what he was thinking, he quickly reached the barrier and was zapped. It got much better when I realized that he had actually crossed over the barrier. Instead of taking the collar off and tossing it back towards the house to harmlessly shock nothing but air, he walked across the barrier again. This brought me great joy, I have to admit. He complained about the shocks all day. 

Today, all those memories came flooding back. We recently acquired a small rat-like creature that we call Jack. He is actually a minchi, yeah, it's real, google it Barbara. Anyway, Jack has a really bad habit of whining an barking during the night. We borrowed a shock collar to see if it would help. We were never really sure if it was indeed working. Tonight, we decided we needed to know. What better way to find out than to hold the collar up to my neck and bark? There is no better way, I defy you to find one. I held the collar to my throat and barked. Thankfully, the batteries were dead. Had they been charged, I'm sure I would be unable to speak for a while. 

Another random confession. I peed on one of these and it didn't shock me at all. I'm sure I got really lucky, and I certainly am not advising any of you to try it. If you need something to remind you, look up the song from Ren & Stimpy, "Don't whiz on the electric fence." The fence I peed on was working by the way. I was so surprised at not getting shocked that I grabbed the fence to check it, yeah, it worked. Anyway, electricity is dangerous. Don't abuse it. It will kick you in the gut and steal your credit card. The end.