NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dear Dancing with the Stars,

I will admit that I have not been your most faithful viewer. I have however watched enough to see your parade of rappers, athletes, reality tv "stars" and others. Some talented, some talentless. Some who were actually famous and a lot who were C or D list at best.

Today, I am writing to inform you that you have crossed the line. Yeah, the line that I drew in my own head when I quit watching when you put Master P on the stage week after week. You have absconded with a piece of my childhood and I demand that you return it. You can't have Ralph Macchio. I know that his acting career has been MIA since the Karate Kid series, and I am sure he is happy that someone remembers him, but you need to send him home early, before I completely lose all respect for him. Go get "The Situation" or Spencer Pratt, someone who doesn't deserve the respect that he already gets. My only hope is that he is the world's most terrible dancer and can go home and think about the glory days.

Lastly, if you do something like this again, perhaps recruiting Peter Billingsley, I will punch you directly in the junk. You have been warned.